13 December 2007

A surprise!

I've been meeting a lot of new people because of our adoption. Everyone has a friend who's adopted or thinking about adopting. More interesting still has been the friends of friends that are Ethiopian.

I've recently met two wonderful Ethiopian women. Both were so incredibly friendly and gracious. One treated me like a saint! The other told me a most marvelous piece of information. I ask her if she by chance knew the meaning of our son's name Denekew. And she told me it means a kind of surprise.

03 December 2007

Confidential Information

I just wanted to write a post to answer a lot of questions we are getting.

Information about our son's birth, relinquishment and birth parents is confidential. I know these questions are just stemming out of curiosity. (I too found myself curious and biting my tongue when recently talking with someone who is adopting locally.)

I think adoption "etiquette" has changed in the last 20 years. Now it is highly recommended to tell your child of their adoption from a very young age and never stop telling them. It is not a one time talk. Children should not remember a time they were first told they were adopted (however, they may have a memory of first understanding what that means).

Also important information about their birth, relinquishment, and birth parents needs to be information that is kept confidential and told to them first. They should not be learning that information from other people: friends, family or neighbors. They don't need to feel as though "everyone was told about me, except me." This information will be given at age appropriate times, so it can be understood and dealt with. Then that information is theirs to share or not share with whom they feel appropriate.

I thank you for your respect in this subject.

Adoption Vocabulary

I would like to educate on some adoption vocabulary. Caleb and I didn't know most of these terms and their purpose before this adoption journey and thought many of you might not either. These terms are used to keep adopted children from feeling like second class members of a family. When we are asked awkward questions our first purpose in answering is not to inform the questioner but to answer what our child needs to hear. I hope you find this informative and helpful.

Q. Is he your real son?
A. Yes, he is our REAL son and we are our adopted child's REAL parents.
Our son's birth parents are called BIRTH PARENTS or BIOLOGICAL PARENTS, also some people refer to a birth mother as a TUMMY MOMMY.

Q. Are they real siblings?
A. Although Ocean & Jaguar won't be biological siblings to Denekew they will be REAL SIBLINGS.

Q. Are you going to have any more kids of your own?
A. All our kids are OUR OWN. We may adopt again, but we don't plan to have any more BIOLOGICAL children.